I’m blogging. It’s a Friday night at 12:34AM. You know, at one time in my life I was partying at this time on Friday nights. Maybe it was last week, but for some reason, I’m slowing down. I am inspired to write tonight. I’m thinking this maybe a great outlet. I believe it may be a great place for me to stay true to myself as well.
I just spent the last 1/2 hour contemplating my 9 month marriage. I read articles such as “How to tell your marriage is in trouble”, “Marriage: Red Flags!”, “Failing Marriage?”. After the last article, it hit me: I’ve been here before. See, google is awesome. I have googled and continue to google everything from “How to make souffle” to “Why does my kitten try to eat my hand” to “What shape sunglasses work best for my face” to “Does he love me?” & “Signs he is going to propose”. Thinking about my past search history over the past years I’m sitting here and I can’t figure out how I am in such a familiar place but yet in totally foreign territory?
My handsome husband is a Chief Gunner’s Mate in the United States Navy. He is stationed in Yokosuka-shi, Kanagawa, Japan. He works about 80 hours a week these days and while I’m told it won’t always be that way, I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel yet. <—-(Please note the “yet”.) I’m optimistic though. We’ve been through a lot to be together. Here we are, 9 months into marriage and while it has been wonderful, it has also been turbulent. I think quitting my career and starting over totally really contributes to some of it, but also the fact that we are two totally different people sometimes. I like to think the differences don’t scare me, but they kind of do. I think another contribution to our rough start would definitely have to be his work schedule. My husband is a workaholic, a match made in heaven for this duty station. I think written somewhere in the orders there may be a sentence that says “It is recommended to not have a love life or a family, but instead a will to be slave driven.” Yep, I think so. I’m only being silly- actually Yokosuka Naval Base has quite a bit to offer the families and really isn’t too bad. I’m definitely not lying though when I say it is busy for the sailors. These sailors have really made me understand what kind of “Sacrifices” you always hear about when people speak of our military members.
Anywho, I’m slightly getting off topic. I love my husband, I do. I’m also very much in love with my husband, which is also a major perk. I think our relationship is really trying right now and with the crazy schedule and lack of time to figure it out and actually have some fun together (and maybe some fun in the bedroom as well!) I don’t foresee it getting much better. To be honest, I’m a little unnerved. I left my whole life behind to marry a wonderful man. Now, here I am on a Friday night googling articles explaining how to tell if it’s going down the toilet or not. None of these articles really give stellar information on how to correct it, of course. I guess because every couple is different. So, here I am blogging. My husband is sleeping in the bedroom and we had less than a 5 minute conversation tonight when I got home from work as he just got home from being gone all week and was passed out by the time I walked in the door.
There’s a part of me that is devastated, and another part of me that is really strong so I’m trying to stay positive. So, Tumblr. <— wtf is that name about anyway? Well, I signed up to start writing…You can see I have no problem with that! When you join, you not only have to come up with a name, but you have to pick things that you are interested in. Whoa, talk about self discovery! I actually clicked topics like “News” & “Business”, and did not click “Gaming” <—- Wha? Who am I? Where is Stef? Oh right… I’m 27. Well, holy shit. I’m 27. Anyway, I didn’t just pick News. I picked a lot of things. I’m subscribed to 33 blogs of stuff I clicked that I am interested in when I joined Tumblr. Lots of inspiration, I’m guessing. Anyway, I also had to pick a title for my blog.
A fancy, quirky musician and songwriter by the name of Jason Mraz had a cd filled with 3 ep’s called “We Sing, We Dance, We Steal Things.” This title pretty much sums up some of the reasons I love being young. I do sing. I do dance. I do steal things…sometimes. Cool things. Don’t judge me, judger. You probably do it too, and if you don’t well, live a little.
So, I don’t know what I’m going to do about the uncertainty of the condition of my marriage. I mean, for all I know everything is fine and I’m just over emotional. But regardless, I believe certainty starts within myself. Since I am living in Japan, 6,000 miles away from home (Chicago!!! YEAH YEAH!!!!!
fuck the winters though!), and everything I know, maybe it’s a good time for some self exploration, discovery and some writing :)
I recently read a quote by Mae West “You only live once, but if you live the right way, once is enough.” I’m inspired. I think that pretty much concludes my first blog. I’m going to write about the way my life is being lived. :) I’m going to make it a point to love the way my life is being lived. Every day :) Who knows…maybe it all end up all right anyway.
p.s. Picking out tags is really amusing.